mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
You smell like stripper and shame
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
this beer tastes like vomit already
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
