Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
