I want to have your abortion
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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