On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
