i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
