I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
