Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
