"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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