Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
organizing the empties. That sober.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
