She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Randomize
