im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
