Whod you bang
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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