im six kinds of drunk right now
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Randomize
