I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
