so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize