his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
