Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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