Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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