u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
