see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize