at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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