I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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