I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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