never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Is Oprah even human
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
