I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
