If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
then he tried to convert me to islam
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
