Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
