somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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