And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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