she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
