Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
