And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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