Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
