I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
