Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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