i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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