the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
