I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
