imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
smell my finger.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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