Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
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