haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
