if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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