Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Randomize
