So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
