Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
