i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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