Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
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