how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
