No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Randomize
