there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Randomize
