I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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