He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
