i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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