I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
