hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
