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I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize