i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
