i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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