I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
barbara walters just said penis...
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize