all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
