mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Too much gin, very little bucket
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
