Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
You smell like stripper and shame
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
