what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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