We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
