Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
