I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
