I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
