You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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