Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
