Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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