So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Randomize
