..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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