Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
