you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
