I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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