sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
