He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
