Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
